Let’s Talk Boundaries!
There’s a lot of information and resources out there around the topic of boundaries. My personal favorites are: Set Boundaries, Find Peace written by Nedra Glover Tawwab and Platonic by Marissa G. Franco. Much of what I’ve pulled together for this post can be found in either of these books in more detail and much more eloquently explained; I highly recommend adding them to your TBR list!
Now, let’s get into it.
What exactly are boundaries?
Boundaries are guidelines, rules, or limits that a person sets to define their personal space, emotional well-being, values, and responsibilities in relationships and interactions. They serve as a way to communicate what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior from others, as well as to protect your own mental, emotional, and physical health. They help define roles in relationships and are an important part of self-care.
When are boundaries needed?
It may be time to establish boundaries when you’re feeling overwhelmed, noticing resentment towards others, avoiding interactions with others, or noticing that you don’t have enough time for your own needs.
How do I set a boundary?
While there are two simple steps to this process, each step can feel like anything but simple. First, you’ll want to create/communicate the boundary. In order to identify what boundary to create, you will need to reflect on your needs, values, and limits. To communicate the boundary, use clear, direct, and respectful language.
Second and oftentimes the most difficult part of this process, is maintaining the boundary that you’ve set. It may feel uncomfortable initially, but be consistent and stick to your boundary. Be clear and firm, ask for what you want and need directly, and try using statements like “I need…”, “I want…” or “I expect…” Boundaries tend to be best communicated in person, but established in any way is better than not at all. Guilt may come up; notice it but don’t focus on it. It’s healthy to have boundaries! Those who get upset when you set a boundary are those who benefited from you not having any.
In an ideal world, others would accept our boundaries and we would move forward in healthy relationships. But when acceptance doesn’t happen, we might experience pushback, ignoring of the boundary, rationalizing/questioning, or defensiveness. You will likely need to remind others of your boundaries multiple times, but if they still aren’t respecting them, you may need to reevaluate the relationship.
Boundaries with others might look like:
Saying no to certain events
Asking others not to make comments about food/weight/body
Asking others not to talk about diets, resolutions, new harmful trends
Asking not to be weighed at doctor’s appointments
Boundaries with yourself might look like:
Self-care
Honoring your financial goals
Time management
Your thoughts (negative self-talk)
Those you allow in your life
Your reactions
Treatment you allow from others
Your perspective
Social media
Boundaries with work might look like:
Delegating
Not working off-clock
Taking breaks
Toxic environment-identify healthy people and avoid gossip
Although it can be really challenging, it’s our job to make our needs known. Healthy boundaries promote healthy relationships, reduce long-term stress, increase self-respect, and prevent resentment. Similarly, it’s important to acknowledge and respect others’ boundaries. We don’t have to like them, but we do have to respect them. Many factors can impact your ability to set boundaries–work with a therapist to better understand yourself, your relationships, and your needs.
**The content on this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy, counseling, or medical advice. While I strive to provide valuable insights and resources, the information shared here should not be used as a stand-alone solution for mental health concerns or personal challenges.
If you are experiencing significant emotional distress or mental health issues, please seek the guidance of a licensed therapist or healthcare professional. If you are in crisis, please contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.
Your well-being matters, and professional support can make a meaningful difference.**
Element Counseling offers specialized support for the following:
